Katie

I haven't written the past couple of days as the anniversary of the death of my oldest Katie was coming up and it is a hard loss to deal with.  You know we grow up and we lose loved ones through out the years but one never thinks that they will out live their own child.  My cousin, Ill call her D, lost a child a few years back.  At the time I could not fathom what she was going through.  My cousins and i were devastated by this loss but none of us knew the pain that D was going through.  2 years ago I knew exactly what she was feeling that day.  The worst part of losing my Katie was that yes she died March 6th, 2011 but I did not know until I had to have the police try and track her down as my mother had surgery. Ill never forget the date it was March 22nd, my grandsons birthday. You see my Katie was an addict.

Katie was born September 15th 1979 at 2:24 am at the Ottawa Grace Hospital.  She weighed 6.4lb and was 22 inches long.  She was on her own schedule to come out.  My labor started on the 14th in the afternoon. So she had me in pain for quite a few hours.  But the pain was well worth it in the end.  She was my girl.  I loved her so much.  She was a sickly baby for the first month and half.  And spent about 6 wks in the hospital.  She was always so frail until she was about 5 months old and it was like overnight she blossomed into this beautiful chubby baby.  I had moved in with a guy that I had dated once before and he adopted Katie as his own.  His family to this day swear that Katie was his but she wasn't.  Now my life with this fella was not the most idyllic.  He was a truck driver and was gone a lot so I was left with his mom and his sisters.  I adored his mom and his sisters.  I endured this man and his physical, emotional and mental abuse for 3 yrs.  I am not going to go into big details but all Ill say is that he threatened me and took Katie.  so Katie was raised by him.  You know hindsight is a wonderful thing and if I had known back then what I know now I wouldn't have let him take Katie but at the age of 23 I was scared and he had alienated my family from me so I had nowhere to go.  
Katie's life was not the best with him.  He married a woman who had a daughter and well anything that i bought for Katie they would give it to her daughter.  As Katie got older I guess he took an interest in her.  I found out when she would have been about 13 that he had molested her.  I tried to fight for custody but he found loopholes.  He filled her head with nonsense saying that I wanted to kidnap her and hurt her.  He was such a mean and vile man!!! By the time Katie was turning 8 i had my son J.   I got married and then had my youngest L, I had tried to keep tabs on Katie and had heard through the grapevine that she was doing drugs and had run away from home.  So I was finally contacted by Children's Services and they informed that Katie was in an foster home.  I immediately wanted her to come to me.  After jumping through hoops for the government for her to come and visit she came for a visit.  She was 15.  I finally had all my kids with me.  Her visit was too short.  
Summer was coming up and she was coming out again.  Then a few months after she had gone back she called me.  Well she was in tears and proceeded to tell me that she was pregnant. I was in shock.  I couldn't be a grandmother I had a 2 yr old toddler.  But at the same time I was excited.  So I brought her home.  Katie was a  handful and didn't like authority.  I had so much to deal with a hyperactive 8 yr old boy and a toddler.  Katie was prone to outbursts and very moody.  ( I found out later that she had been diagnosed as a schizophrenic)  She wanted to go back to Calgary and the baby's father.  So off she went.  Her brother and sister were devastated as they were so attached to her.  
Contact with Katie was intermittent at best of times.  I would try to phone her and the number would be disconnected or she had moved.  I would get sporadic reports from her stepmother.  Then finally on March 14th, 1996 I received the call that I was a grandmother of a little girl Ill call her T.  So  my son was an uncle at the age of 9 and my baby girl became an aunt one month to the day shy of her 3 rd birthday.  From here on Katie's life is a total mess.
Katie had always been into drugs before she had T.  From reports I heard she had been smoking pot with her dad and god knows what else.  Her dad was dying and he died when T was about 6 months old and I believe that was the trigger.  Soon after that Katie started calling me for money all the time.  I at times would send her some.  Then one day out of the blue she called and said that her and T's dad had split and she needed money for an apt, 500 to be exact.    She then said she was going to call her grandmother..(my mom) Sure enough my mom lent her the money.  Well Katie never got the apt and this is about the time that she said to T's dad she needed him to look after baby as she had to go look at an apt for them .  Well  Katie went on a drug spree.  She called me a few weeks later saying that she had lost custody of T.  It wasn't until later that I found out the truth behind the custody of my granddaughter.  I will say right now, and think of me as a rotten grandmother if you want, but my daughter losing custody to my granddaughters dad was the best thing that every happened for my granddaughter.    As I said Katie was an addict.  crack heroin and lord knows what else .     
I worried about her constantly I would hear from her from time to time.  She was in BC and was in a relationship with a fellow that had 2 boys.  She told me that he was not into drugs and was a welder, well another lie.  He was a dealer her dealer.  So again she was not off it at all.
Next thing I knew she was back with her ex and my granddaughter.  She wanted to move out of Calgary and get away from all the temptations.  So I said come home.  Well they only had enough money to get to Ottawa so I sent my youngest off to her grandparents and took my son with me and we went to get Katie and R and my granddaughter in Ottawa.  What a long trip that was we also took our dog.  What a time that was.  So I arrived in Ottawa at my "other" moms place.  We gathered up my Katie and her family and headed back to Nova Scotia.  I thought this would be a new beginning for them.  
I was wrong.  Things were fine for the first little while.  I loved having my granddaughter with me.  Katie was off the drugs and I convinced her to go back to school  She was doing great.  Her man on the other hand sat around on his fat ass all day and did nothing watching Jerry Springer!  I had 2 other children to look after and a grandchild that was just full of mischief...haha.  I didn't need a 3 rd child to look after.  So I told him that he had get out and get a job.  Katie had to have surgical procedure...well why should i sugar coat this...Katie was pregnant and he said that the baby wasn't his.  So he demanded her to have an abortion!!  I was raised catholic and that was not in my beliefs at all.  So we went through the process of being allowed to have the abortion.  The day of this procedure he would not even come with us.  I had arranged for a sitter for the kids but he still would not come.  So I held my daughters hand through this horrible ordeal.  Sitting here reliving this terrible time I am crying and can't see too well.  But this is why i am writing this so I can go through this healing process.  
The doctor came out and said Katie was fine and would be ready to go home in about an hour I asked him if he knew how far along the pregnancy was.  Now R & Katie had been back together for almost 3months and she was only 8 wks along.  I was devastated to think he had his own child erased out of his and Katies life as well mine and my childrens.  
Katie was on to be on bed rest for a few days.  The following day after her procedure R made her put T in the stroller and walk with him about 3 miles or more each way to drop off a resume.  I was furious.  I had offered to take them but he said no that they could walk.  I remember it being a cloudy cool damp day.  When they got back Katie had a fever, my granddaughter was cold.  I have never really forgiven him for that and I really don't know if I could even now.  
After the procedure things got well bad between R & Katie.  They would argue all the time and one day I hear Katie screaming from the basement ( their bedroom was down there) I ran downstairs and found her crouched in the corner and a hole punched in the wall just above her head.  My son came running down with his goalie stick and in a flash he had whacked his brother in law over the back with it and broke the stick and threatend him.  Now my son was only gone on 11 at the time.  I lost it.  My granddaughter was screaming and I got my son to take her upstairs with my youngest. 
I then proceeded to tell R to get out before I called the police.  Little did I know that the he still had legal custody of my granddaughter so he took her that night with him and that was the last time I saw her until a little over a year ago. 
This was the night that sent my daughter back to drugs!  For a long time I thought I had caused this but with a lot of soul searching  I came to the conclusion that it may have been a trigger but the end decision was up to her to decide to either stay clean and finish her schooling and fight for her daughter or to give up. 
All of this and my  marriage falling apart was too much for me.  I went into a depression.  I needed to get away and did so for a few days entrusting my Katie with the house and her siblings.  That was a big mistake.  I lost it on her.  Another mistake cause that just pushed her towards the drugs even more.  
She eventually left and headed west.  She ended up in BC how Im not sure.  She would phone and ask for money.  Or she would phone and tell me she was getting married.  
Soon after this I moved to PEI.  About a year or so after I moved there she found me and came out.  I thought ok one more try.  Boy I don't learn too well.  She again wrecked havoc not only on me and my son but on my family in PEI.  She conned her grandmother into paying her way back out west.  (My youngest was living with her dad then).  
To make a long story short, I had moved to Winnipeg to be close to the family I didn't know and Katie followed me there.  And yet again wrecked havoc.  But this time I said enough is enough!  Especially when I found out she was letting her little brother stay home from school while I was at work!  And had taken him downtown Winnipeg at night so she could score some crack and smoke it with her friends.  So I did the toughest thing in my life and that was to say to her that I was done!  And wanted her to leave my house and not come back.  That if she wanted me and her siblings in her life then she would have to get help and I didn't want to hear from her until she proved to me she had been clean for 3 yrs.  I know this is terrible but I had to do it for my children and my sanity.  I wish that on no mother whatsoever.  
So that is why I had to contact the police for them to find her when my  mother was sick.  I knew that she was in Toronto with the help of a dear friend "SCV".  She was able to track Katie through some people she knew.  I was so hoping to finally be able to talk to my Katie. I had not heard from Katie for about 7 yrs.  So I was very hopeful that when we tracked her down to tell her about her grandmother that it would be a sad time but happy at the same time cause I would then know where she has been and how she had been.  
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I can't go on today as this has been a pretty emotional time for me writing this down.  I will write more tomorrow.  
Until next time... hug your children everyday!